A false self is created as an adaptation to emotionally ignorant and immature parents who selfishly wallowed in self-unawareness and project their needs and misery onto an infant rather than reflecting the infant's actual moods. Simply put, the false self is not real. It is the disconnected self. You do not naturally belong here or anywhere and you use defense mechanisms and search for all the wring ways to fill up your emptiness. The True Self is characterized by inner peace, acceptance and deep contentment. It’s okay, right here, right now
My parents were toxic, selfish, greedy, fragile and inconsistent. I was unnaturally and unhealthily attuned to their demands, sensing that I had to comply in order to be loved and tolerated; I had to be false before I had the chance to feel properly alive. And as a result, many years later, without knowing why, I felt dead inside. I now know I was forced to comply far too early; I was obedient at the expense of my ability to be authentic.
The false-self thought and behavior patterns stayed with me as an adult. While they used to be helpful when I was young, this toxic thought process and negative behavior patterns was an not only an obstacle to inner peace and spiritual fulfillment but actually slowly killed me from the inside out.
About Dr. Winicott